How to have the best symbolic ceremony
With celebrant Nat Raybould
Choosing what your ceremony is going to look like, feel like and how you’re going to celebrate your wedding vows is a big decision. Of course, circumstance plays a big part in which options are available to you, as well as personal preference. But we are totally in love with the personality and devotion which goes into a symbolic / humanist ceremony.
We catch up with the lovely Nat Raybould, an award-winning celebrant who brings absolute heart, a bit of comedy gold and such warmth into every one of her ceremonies. Think of her as your personal storyteller, whisking you and your guests on a journey through your life and relationship.
“Enquiries in the celebrant industry are rising, whether that be using celebrants based in Italy or celebrants based in your home country. The pros of using a celebrant based in your own country is that we can meet up before your day for planning meetings, the contract is often clearer, and it is usually easier to get personal details incorporated. The con of course is that the couple pays for travel/accommodation; although booking far in advance does mean that can usually be at a minimum.”
We love Nat’s attitude and insight on having the best symbolic ceremony - and her advice on who should look after the rings is genius! Get that best man a drink, he’s off duty for this job!
Photo: Rebecca Searle Photography
What is the standard format for a symbolic ceremony?
“Well, technically speaking it can be as long as it needs to be to perfectly represent you as a couple! But there are always practical considerations to balance as well, for example being outside in the heat (even at a 1600 ceremony time), or keeping the flow of a day perfectly balanced.
In practice, my ceremonies are usually 25-30 minutes – any less than 15 minutes would feel a little flimsy, and any more than 40 minutes (without a very good reason to be longer, such as walking to another symbolic location, for example) might have the couple and the guests dreaming of a cool glass of prosecco...!” NR
Photo: Lewis Membery
How far ahead of the ceremony do you and the couple meet to discuss?
“I personally start our collaborative creation process six months before the wedding day, although of course our friendship and connection begins as soon as we meet and agree to work together! I am not ignoring my couple until the dot of six months to go, ha...!
There is always a combination of in-person meeting(s) and online chat, plus I am a big one for setting written homework too. Written words from couples come from another part of the brain entirely to when we chat, and that kind of considered deeper thought is essential for me to understand the heart of a couple’s relationship.” NR
Photo: Epic Love Story Photography
What is discussed during this initial meeting?
“What isn’t discussed?! To be honest, chats form and develop differently with every single couple, as every couple needs different things from me. And quite right too!
Some couples have a very clear idea of what they want included in their ceremony, and how it should feel, and others just know they want it to feel deeply personal, but have no idea how to achieve that. I gauge what my couples need from me and we go from there. And that isn’t always with me asking specific tick-box questions; I am sometimes sneaky to ascertain what a couple needs by asking questions about their lives, or just hanging out with them for a few hours brunching or having a cocktail. There are many ways of gently teasing information out of couples without going down a strict interview route!” NR
Photo: Alba Turnbull
Do you meet the couple in person in the days leading up to the ceremony?
“Again, it all depends on the couple’s lifestyle and availability. Some of my couples are very flexible and we can meet to discuss or rehearse before we fly out, but others are not available, or aren’t even in the country! We will always find a way to check in with each other to make sure that my couple is comfortable, loves every word I have written for them, and is really excited for the amazing ceremony to come!” NR
Photo: Leanne Jade Photography
Do you visit the venue to get a feel for the wedding?
“I don’t often get the chance to visit Italian venues until just before the wedding day, however I usually liase with any planners or the venues themselves so I can see video walkthroughs of how the space works, and what kinds of amplification or shade there is in outside venues, for example.
I also fly out the day before a wedding day, partly of course in case of flight delays, but also to recce the venue, and possibly rehearse with the couple/wedding party too. It’s great to have those hours of familiarity to bolster everything I have learned about the venue in a virtual way beforehand. I am adept – it’s part of the job! – so this kind of work actively energises me.” NR
Photo: Benjamin Wheeler
How important is building a relationship with the couple?
“It is everything. EVERYTHING. You cannot fake a connection with a couple. I have even said to several couples that they need another kind of celebrant and have passed them names of my colleagues who would fit better with them. It is a relationship of trust, and my couples often share quite private information with me. You have to really like your celebrant, and if you don’t, you should get another one, quite frankly.” NR
Photo: Olivia & Dan Photography
A bit of genius advice!
“Take those wedding rings off the best man! He doesn’t care about doing it – it’s just a tradition borne out of Western wedding ceremony convenience.
Why not, for example, give your wedding rings to your two mothers, for them to give their child’s ring to your partner? In that way the sentiment becomes “please put this ring on my child’s finger; we love you and want you to be part of our family”. Much better, right? Plus mums need roles in ceremonies too!” NR
Photo: Stephanie Green Photography
A big thank you to Nat for sharing all of her ceremony wisdom with us.
If you want to find out more about Nat and her symbolic ceremonies check out her La Lista profile here and follow along with her on Instagram.
For broader advice on ceremony options for your Italian wedding head over to our Inspiration and Planning section.
