Why asking guests to pay for your wedding day is okay!
With a destination wedding, it is very common to invite guests to join in your celebrations across several days; and most couples opt to rent a venue which can accommodate some, if not all guests. Unless you have the budget to cover everyone’s stay, you will need to communicate the monetary contribution expectations to your guests and how they can pay you in the least awks way. Like most things when planning a wedding, transparent, timely comms is crucial and we have some answers.
Firstly let’s just look at this from a different angle - if this was an at home wedding, then undoubtedly friends and family would have to find and pay for their own accommodation for the night (unless they lived locally). So, with an Italian wedding, you are actually putting in the hard graft for them by researching the accommodation, plus you are keeping the party vibes going by having everyone stay together!
After seeing many uncomfortable money conversations between guests and couples, we strongly advise that this is a straight-talking process to ensure a smooth planning journey.
Photo: Olya Kobruseva
Who’s staying and paying how much?
Firstly, make a list of which guests you would like to stay with you at the venue and with every venue you research, literally map out where each of these guests will sleep. A venue might advertise that it accommodates 40, but in fact some of the rooms sleep more than 2 people. If this isn’t going to work for you, then this venue can be vetoed. You will also need to calculate the cost per person for the stay to check whether it’s reasonable to ask guests to contribute this amount. This can be done several ways and is dependent on how the venue breaks down its costs. It might show a total cost of the hire and accommodation together, or this might be separate.
A. Venue accommodation cost / no. of guests = amount requested per guest
B. Total venue cost - your budget allowance / no. of guests = amount per guest
C. Total venue cost - (reasonable amount to ask a guest to pay x no. of guests) = amount you pay
Remember, this all needs to happen before you have even booked the venue!
Save the dates
The best method of informing guests about accommodation is in this initial communication. Save the dates for a destination wedding are a little more meaty; including information about the events you are hosting, accommodation and asking for a soft RSVP. It is advisable here to split your save the dates into two groups.
For the people who you are inviting to stay at the venue, this needs to be included with a RSVP deadline. You can explain that a room has been held for them at the venue, at the price, terms and conditions (i.e. when they need to accept it by, and the various payment deadlines and to whom they need to pay). It is easier if this is an insert sheet and you could include your Paypal / bank details here now, like a mini invoice.
This option is for the rest of the guests, still includes event information and requests a soft RSVP; but it’s nice to include information on accommodation suggestions for guests not staying at the venue.
It is fairly uncommon for a venue to accept payments from individual guests, instead they will invoice you and you will need to have the money in your bank to pay on behalf of everyone. Consider your cash flow and give yourselves a little wiggle room by setting the deadline for guests to pay you a good 2 weeks ahead of the venue’s deadline. A venue will normally ask for final balance 3 months before the wedding date.
Photo: Urska & Domen
What is not okay to ask guests to pay for
If you are inviting guests to stay at a self-catered venue, then it is always a nice touch to buy in breakfast items and to have the fridge and cupboards stocked with drink and light bites. It’s great if you can subsidise this from your budget, but if pennies won’t allow, forecast an approximate cost and work it into their accommodation cost - this means you don’t have to request additional sums from guests.
With other wedding events and transport, we believe this should fall to you to pay and here’s why. You have invited your friends and family to attend your wedding - great, but if you are also asking them to be part of other events which you are asking payment for, it doesn’t always sit well. If you find yourselves unable to pay for additional catered events, then don’t host them! Instead, invite guests to gather at a bar in the local town for drinks and this way they can more easily pay for themselves or you can get the first round in! Asking for an additional 40 euro per person for a pizza welcome night and extra money for the post-wedding pool party drinks is very hard to communicate. Plus, you are then going to be chasing guests for money and frankly putting everyone in an awkward position.
Our top tip is work out what you can afford and do this! It is absolutely okay to ask guests to contribute for accommodation and to work a little more into the cost for some food supplies, but we believe the rest should fall on you. At this stage you might need to get deep and really consider whether this type of wedding is right for you!
