Honouring Missing Loved Ones on your Wedding day
Photography: Harry Michael
Planning your dream wedding is like putting a (pretty tough) puzzle together….the flowers, the venue, dress, caterers, music…it’s so satisfying and unbelievably stressful all at once but piece by piece you are building your wedding day vision.
For so many of us missing a loved one, the puzzle is always going to be incomplete. How can you enjoy that epic day whilst coping with your emotions and honouring your loved one? This is going to look very different for each of us.
We’ve combined our own team experience of this act of remembrance and spoken to some of our amazing La Lista bridal community to bring you these thoughtful suggestions.
We recommend running ideas past close relatives ahead of the day to ensure everyone is emotionally ready for any touches to be included. Do consider who their partner will be sitting next to at the ceremony, meal and details like who will walk with them after the ceremony has finished.
So often people are worried about upsetting you so don’t want to mention the person who died. By verbally including them in your day, you are letting guests know that you welcome their name being said. It sometimes is that simple.
Complete your bridal bouquet or groom’s boutonniere with a flower favourited by your missing loved one and make reference to the sentiment in a speech or in the order of service. We know a bride that will be adding forget-me-nots to her floral arrangement at her May wedding. These poignant flowers will also feature on their stationery too, reminding her of her father.
Take a moment to light a candle in their honour and keep it burning throughout the celebrations. We love the idea of this glimmering on the cake table.
“Sadly I lost my nan a week before our wedding … our heaven table and my bouquet which had a little ornament attached so that they walked with me on the day.” lovely bride, Danielle
Whether it makes the playlist for mood music whilst guests take their seats, played solo during the ceremony or gets everyone on the dance floor during the evening, music is a wonderful way to include your loved one and make new memories at the same time.
"My brother died a year before my wedding, so my grief was very raw still. I knew I couldn't handle anything too emotional so I chose one of his favourite songs for everyone to dance to in the evening. It was upbeat and felt like we were all celebrating him in that 3 minutes. All of us dancing, all of us with happy tears." incredible bride, Kate
By choosing to have something of theirs on your throughout the day can bring you warmth and comfort knowing they are with you. Whether this is an ornament of theirs stitched onto your bouquet, wearing a piece of their jewellery.
“My grandmothers gifted me handkerchiefs from both of my grandfathers, with their initials on, which my maid of honour carried in her bag and held during the ceremony.” Beautiful bride, Lauren
"As we knew my mum would die soon after my wedding, we decided to use have some of her jewellery melted down to be used to make both of our wedding bands. The ring is a symbol of mine and my husband's love but with her touch in there too." Emily
And something new from bride-to-be Vikki “I am thinking of purchasing some shoes using money left to me by my grandad, then will be like he's walking down the aisle with me”.
Photos bring such joy and allow guests to remember your loved one in their own way. Arranging some photographs on a table, having a tree adorned with hanging photos - we love the thought of adding photos to this tree throughout the day to join past memories with new.
Lauren says “I lost both my grandfathers during the time I was planning my wedding. I didn’t like the empty chair or all-out tributes to missing ones because it would have been emotionally too much…..we had lots of photographs of loved ones as decorations.”
Spend 5 minutes / 30 minutes - as much time as your schedule will allow to be with them on your day - whether it be a quiet walk, a moment sitting alone somewhere special, some mediation, a run - do it. The day will be full on, emotional and epic so give yourself a moment to breathe…..and feel it.
We love this gorgeous bride’s thoughtful way to show her love and support for her husband by honouring her missing father-in-law. Oh and it’s a secret until the wedding morning….so ssshhh!
To be written in a card ‘My gift to you is all the special ways I have tried to honour your dad. Saving a seat at our ceremony, his signature and favourite song lyrics stitched into my veil and naming reception dinner table after him.’
Thanks so much to the beautiful and brave brides who contributed their experiences for this article.
If you’re planning your Italian wedding, have questions on venue or suppliers or just need to chat through finer details or worries then check out our Facebook group. Here you’ll find such an incredible bunch of couples going through the same wedding planning madness as you!
Written by Emily Jennings, marketing person and wedding day-dreamer; lover of a boho vibe and a wedding night filled with a thousand lights.
